Fitting Careers for Ten Famous Nigerians

Michael Jackson was born to sing. Michael Johnson was born to run. Michael Jordan was born to play basketball. Had any of these tried to be doctors, lawyers or engineers, their names would have been lost among 100 million ordinary others who are also called ‘Michael’. 

The following Nigerians have enjoyed a fair amount of space and time in the spotlight doing what they set out in life to do. Or so you would think. But a closer, careful, insightful look at their personalities can reveal a talent or skill that could have brought them the fame of Jordan, the fortune of Johnson and the affluence of Jackson.

10. Patrick Obahiagbon- Comedian

The Edo-born politician is a big talker with ground-breaking grammar. Basketmouth does much less and he’s still considered a don in the laughter circles.

Imagine how filled up a hall of A Night Of A Thousand Laughs will be if Obahiagbon could offer to rant two pages of incomprehensible English and translate it in one simple line of the Benin tongue and in pidgin. Even I would pay to see such a show and so would the British Prime Minister.

9. Adams Oshiomole- Fashion Designer

As a Labour leader you could forgive Comrade Adams for always wearing his ‘conductor-style’ cut and sow to sympathize with the impoverished workers he represented.

But as a governor, you have to be stingy or a talented tailor to maintain such modest appearance. Reliable sources argue that the people’s champion is not tight-fisted.

If truly Com Adams sows the attires he wears, I may have to admit that he’s great with his hands as he is with his mouth.

8. Olusegun Obasanjo- Santa Claus

What more could anyone ask of Baba?

A civil war hero. A one-time military Head of State and Nigeria’s democratic President for eight years, OBJ is the country’s longest serving President ever.

He has seen fame and fortune, the likes of which few Nigerians can boast. But with an increasingly large potbelly and a booming, roaring voice, who says Baba cannot pick a fun, new career in his old age? Kids would love a Santa Claus with a naturally-stuffed tommy.

7. Tuface- Gigolo

For years, Tubaba has accomplished this for free and now with six kids from three different mothers, very few will doubt that he’s a class act of a gigolo.

The African Queen crooner with his unique voice and cool looks continue to wow female admirers who care little about his marital status. A cute business card and kinky marketing strategy will open up European and American markets like never before.

6. Blackface- Hemp seller

I admit that only his rough, ghetto looks make him qualify for this trade which might also quickly give him up to the cops here or abroad.

But then there’s a bigger market with a worldwide audience in Mexico and South America. If the ex-Plantashun boy can be introduced to a large cartel, little time will it take for him to rise to the top.

5. I Go Die- Bus Conductor

I Go Die parades himself as a comedian when he obviously is not in the same class as the likes of Basketmouth. He used to be a really funny lad when he first came on stage, then he stopped trying hard enough.

Now, he’s great at making only himself laugh. If anyone needs a career change, it is this dearly beloved brother.

While wasting away combing the streets of Abuja for jigs, bus conductors in Onitsha who are not even half as ugly are making loads of cash, building houses and buying their own buses.

4. Ramsey Nouah Jr.- Nurse

Over time, Ramsey has proven beyond reasonable doubt that he can be as tender with the womenfolk as he can be terrible.

If only he could devote much of his time and efforts working alongside a gynecologist in a hospital that focuses solely on women’s health, the half-cast actor would hit it big handling vaginas, delivering babies, tucking tummies, performing abortions and the likes. 

He's a natural!

3. Teju Babyface- Primary school teacher

We all know his late disciplinarian father never wanted him to be a comedian.

The old man, looking down from heaven, would at least be more pleased if Teju were to teach kindergarten classes in a public school. Not that he would look any older than his wards but he’d be imparting lives more genuinely that way.

Something some critics believe he is incapable of doing with his current stock in trade.

2. Omotola Jolade-Ekehinde – Air hostess

If air hostesses are employed first for their beauty before their brains, Air France is one fine ass short of the ideal staff.

If you then factor in the fact that Omosexy is not just beauty but has got brains to match, then she’d be the highest paid air hostess in the world.

Which would make her acting wages nothing but pocket change for half the work hours.

1. GEJ- Inter State bus driver

Critics have said so many things about Mr President, many of them bad and wrong. But one of the few correct ones is that he is not exactly fast.

This is the ideal attribute of a fantastic driver on some awful Nigerian roads. Usually the high rate of accidents on Nigerian roads is mainly down to stupid, reckless and impatient driving.

But with a slow and steady GEJ behind the wheels, his Inter-state bus would be the safest going from Lagos to Bayelsa.